"love?" update

thanks for the honest comments. i'm getting back on track again. today i was thinking about God and who he is and what Jesus has done. i came to the conclusion that, if i believe God really did create this world, send his son to live and die, and care about me so much, it is my duty to love, obey and serve him. if there really is an infinite, omnipotent, omniscient God, and i have been privileged to recognize him, it only makes sense that i would worship him.

those who don't follow him are still blessed, live healthy lives, and generally get along fine without God. they don't know they need him. i could ignore God and my life would probably go along fine. but i know the source of the blessings. i know the reason i have lived to see another day. i know why my life is filled with health, life, happiness, and blessings far beyond what i deserve. Jesus. his love, life, death, resurrection. how could i choose to ignore and therefore spit on such a sacrifice? genuinely knowing something so greater than myself exists is enough to drive me to my knees.

where i am or how i feel does not change what he has done for me and who he is. my inability to comprehend him does not reduce his greatness. while i do not deserve his forgiveness, the least he deserves is my life.

so... i will give my life to God. not "my life" in the sense of where i am right now. my life in the forever, good and bad, 90 years old and wrinkled way. my life beyond the foreseen future. my life beyond and including the plans i make. my life as long as i have it; lived with one purpose, glorifying my maker. i can do no less.

what does this mean? right now it means i will study hard in school to be faithful to the responsibilities he has given me. i will praise him whether or not i'm happy. i will pray even when he seems distant. i will seek guidance through his word. i will be in community to be encouraged and to build others up. i will obey him, because sometimes that might be the only way i can show my love. obedience regardess of desire. i will love and follow him with or without the emotions to back it. i will ask him to give me the strength to follow him through my doubt and weakness.

i can do no less.

thanks for listening

love?

what does it mean be in love with God, for him to be my father and i his child? how do i love him? there's the standard john 14:15 answer (if you love me you will obey what i command). that seems lacking though. if i only was obedient to my friends and parents, would they think i loved them? there has to be more to it than just making right choices and trying not to earn a disapproving frown from God.

following Christ isn't about knowing the evidence of his birth, life, death and resurrection in my head. someone could fully believe in him without loving him and desiring to be his child. while the evidence and truth of the Bible may compel someone to choose life in Christ, it has to be a matter of the heart. the heart is all that matters. so how do you get the heart to follow the head? what's the formula for love? how do i convince my heart of what i know is true? is it enough to just keep going through the motions, hoping my heart will catch up? live off intellect and ignore emotions?

am i just over-analyzing things? i'm best at ignoring problems, not dealing with them. have i just never wrestled with my faith before? am i dramatizing questions into a crisis of faith? is temptation being interpreted as a lack of desire for God? i want to desire God. i want to want to obey him. i want to want him.

alright, that's it for now. i mostly just needed to journal and get my thoughts out there. i'm sure i'll update this once i get things figured out.

Who do you think you are?

I stole this from Jill who stole it from Jason. Anyhow, I think it is pretty interesting. It is harder than I thought to answer. So follow the link and maybe make your own.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=hahicks

the customer is always right

I was joking around and complaining to our cook and sysco rep. last quarter about their disloyalty by switching powdered sugar brands from "Holly pure cane powdered sugar" to "Some other boring generic brand of powdered sugar." Evidently they took me seriously. Either way, I feel loved.

GMail

I've finally entered the 21st Century, thanks to Robb and Jill. I now have a gmail account! It's exactly the same as my uw email only with @gmail.com now. There's no guarantee that I'll check it more than every few days, but I'll probably use it all the time once I go to grad school.

That's all for now, I'm off to class. Happy Friday!

The last couple weeks in summary.

Well, not a lot is going on, but I'm pretty swamped with school. I guess that just means nothing fun is going on. It's been a great quarter in Penthouse so far. Jill and I are having a good time watching music videos and going for runs on sunny days. I'll miss her when she abandons me for the summer, but at least we get to go to grad school together!

Hmm, I didn't post much about spring break. I worked one day, which just made me miss waitressing even more. I wish I could handle a job right now, because there are so many fun places to work around here. I cooked a lot over break too. Some stuff from Rachel Ray's cookbook, crescent roll, baked potato soup, and some chocolate cookies. Needless to say I was constantly eating over break. One of the best things was that my uncle's cow gave birth to twins, one red and one black. My great uncle came over to help w/ some medical complications the cow had. I will spare you the gory details, but it was pretty awesome. I had fun over there and miss being around cattle, the country life, and seeing the sky filled with stars at night. I'm just a country girl at heart who's living in the city.... for now.

Back in Seattle I've been studying, studying, oh and more studying. I did get out last weekend though. Friday night Jill, Ryan, Andrew, Aaron, Ivan, Linnell, and I all went to Luna Park Cafe for milk shakes. I highly recommend it. I guess they have been voted the best milk shakes in Seattle. It was around when Alki had carnival rides and stuff, back in the day. Saturday's workday was done in record time. Sunday I ushered again. I think something was wrong with my headset though, or maybe it was just the operator. Oh well, they didn't fire me :)

That's about it for now. I'm going to hit the books now.
Enjoy the sunshine!


Currently Listening to: Keith Urban - Be Here